FF voorstellen
Geplaatst: za mei 22, 2004 14:11
En omdat ik een beetje lui ben vandaag gebruik ik het stukje tekst dat ik een tijd geleden gebruikt heb om één van de internationale mailinglists...
[Edit: en omdat ik toch soms wel een beetje luister naar commentaar, staat nu onderaan een kort NL beschrijving. ]
Hi to all,
since some of you asked for it (and I was already thinking about writing it anyway) I've written a somewhat extended introduction of myself... (thanx Leslie & Whitney for reminding me that a three-liner really is way too short!).
I will limit myself to TS-related stuff in this email. A whole lot more can be found on my website (and finally it has an english language part!) http://jenni.bos-its.org/ . On that site I even explain what the latin in my signature means and why I use it as my motto ;-)
But now, without further ado:
Let's start with some history
I was born on december 5th, 1968 A.D. somewhere in the southern part of the Netherlands. Most of the formative years (from kindergarten all the way through university) I spent more or less happy, but always knowing there was something 'standing between me and the world'. I thought I knew it had to do with sexuality in some odd way, but also knew I was most definately not gay (even though I did love guys more than girls). All in all, at times a very confusing period of my life.
After university I joined the Navy as a drafted officer. In a way it was a great time, but it also made perfectly clear that I would never be anything like a "real" man. Not that I could really care about that. About that time I for the first time had the opportunity to really do some research on what it was I was "suffering" from. Well, and then I knew... oops, no make that a big OOPS.
When I came across the personal story of a transsexual on the web it was total and instant recognition... like "that could have been my words". It was a big relief to know I that was not crazy, and that it was a well known condition for which a treatment existed, but what a treatment! So against my better judgement I declared myself to be "only" a transvestite and clutched at that straw.
The next period became rather a classical case of the transsexual in denial who meets a nice accepting girl... makes a last attempt to be a "man"... gets married... things don't work out well... gets divorced and depressed. Sorts out her act and decides that it's high time to do something about this condition.
Since there was only one path left to take she finds her way to the genderteam in Amsterdam. From july 2003 onward started to inform the people who didn't yet know about what was going on and started 'part-time', in september 2003 made the great 'coming-out' to everyone and went full-time january 14.
Some random observation of changes
Just some personal observations and thoughts:
1) First and foremost: it feels like the best decision I ever made in my entire life! For the first time ever all the background clutter and anxiety cause by trying "to do what is expected" that always was half consiously in the back of my mind is not there. I now can be just me!
2) I became an a much more open and outgoing person. I always thought that I was a rather sociable person, but what a difference there is between now and then.
3) While my life between my late teens and now is still an integral and valuable part of me, I notice that I rather often find myself going back to my thoughts and ideas of that period. Much like I use those as a foundation from which I am "rebuilding" myself from the shattered pieces. There might be some logic in that, since it was around my 20th year I decided to "try to be a man". Still this did come as a suprise!
4) Before transitioning I've told some friends that I would probably mostly remain the same person. Like something of 80% is firmly set (as one might expect after some 30 odd years), now I would be very surprised if even 60% survives this change. Especially in the light of that fact that I'm rebuilding on much older foundations than I expected.
5) Others make spontanious observations which show that they now see a much more complete person than ever.
6) Some guys really are cute! (and lovable!)
7) Something nice but totally weird has happened. Never in my entire life have I been member of any in-crowd whatsoever. Even if I tried to belong to one, I never ever was really a part of it. Now I more or less seem to belong to the dutch gothic in-crowd without any effort. I write it with some hesitation because it's so strange, but it seems to be so. At least if getting hugged by those who are without a doubt part of the in-crowd, or finding a positive remark about yourself in the livejournal of an important DJ or finding yourself discussing music with the keyboard player of one of the important bands in a bar on queensday in Amsterdam counts.
8) Hanging out with groups in which some persons are only a bit more than half your age does rejuvinate your own ways of thinking, and ofcourse it is nice to be accepted by them as a peer instead of as an older sister! Not really TS related but true nonetheless.
9) Before transition photography was one of my hobbies... it still is, but somewhere down the line I changed from a place behind the camera to a place in front of the camera ;-)
10) Things have gone much better than I've ever dared to hope for. Something for which I am extremely gratefull and for which I have literally thanked God on my bare knees (something I have never done before). I think succes like this brings an obligation to help others... a kind of noblesse oblige. Help I try to give where it is needed, but since I am a bit non-conformistic it will never be your run-of-the-mill style of advice.
11) If I come over a wee bit arrogant or like having a 'know it all' mentality, please don't stick with your first impression! It may seems that way occasionally, but actually it is more my hot temper getting out ;-)
I guess this is more than enough for an extended introduction, and it is time for bed, so goodbye for now!
Love,
Jenni
[Edit: en dan nu NL]
Geboren december 1968 en dus nu "ergens midden dertig" (leeftijd berekenen is nooit mijn sterkste kant geweest als het over mijzelf gaat ;-) ). Sinds ongeveer een jaar aan de hormonen en nu alweer bijna 5 maanden full-time.
In het dagelijkse leven een redelijk serieuze beleidsambtenaar bij de Koninklijke Marechaussee, daarbuiten in mijn vrijetijd betrokken bij aardig wat dingen die spelen in de Gothicscene en (amateur)fotomodel.
Mijn interesses: gothic (spreekt voor zich), dark art en fotografie, indy music (voor de minder ingevoerden: independent muziek, dus alles wat _niet_ gaat via de grote labels!), hypermoderne toepassingen van data- en telecomtechnologie (UMTS is alweer zo achterhaald!) en voor alles: mensen in al hun verscheidenheid.
Nog een paar steekwoorden: direct in uitspraken, Apoptygma Bezerk, The Peoples Republic of Europe (met een hele leuke producer en nog leukere zanger!), alternatief met een klassieke touch, ruimdenkend en een politiek incorrecte mentaliteit.
---===---===---
"Vita brevis breviter in brevi finietur mors venit velociter quae neminem veretur.
Omnia mors perimit et nulli miseretur." Excerpt from: AD MORTEM FESTINAMUS
[Edit: en omdat ik toch soms wel een beetje luister naar commentaar, staat nu onderaan een kort NL beschrijving. ]
Hi to all,
since some of you asked for it (and I was already thinking about writing it anyway) I've written a somewhat extended introduction of myself... (thanx Leslie & Whitney for reminding me that a three-liner really is way too short!).
I will limit myself to TS-related stuff in this email. A whole lot more can be found on my website (and finally it has an english language part!) http://jenni.bos-its.org/ . On that site I even explain what the latin in my signature means and why I use it as my motto ;-)
But now, without further ado:
Let's start with some history
I was born on december 5th, 1968 A.D. somewhere in the southern part of the Netherlands. Most of the formative years (from kindergarten all the way through university) I spent more or less happy, but always knowing there was something 'standing between me and the world'. I thought I knew it had to do with sexuality in some odd way, but also knew I was most definately not gay (even though I did love guys more than girls). All in all, at times a very confusing period of my life.
After university I joined the Navy as a drafted officer. In a way it was a great time, but it also made perfectly clear that I would never be anything like a "real" man. Not that I could really care about that. About that time I for the first time had the opportunity to really do some research on what it was I was "suffering" from. Well, and then I knew... oops, no make that a big OOPS.
When I came across the personal story of a transsexual on the web it was total and instant recognition... like "that could have been my words". It was a big relief to know I that was not crazy, and that it was a well known condition for which a treatment existed, but what a treatment! So against my better judgement I declared myself to be "only" a transvestite and clutched at that straw.
The next period became rather a classical case of the transsexual in denial who meets a nice accepting girl... makes a last attempt to be a "man"... gets married... things don't work out well... gets divorced and depressed. Sorts out her act and decides that it's high time to do something about this condition.
Since there was only one path left to take she finds her way to the genderteam in Amsterdam. From july 2003 onward started to inform the people who didn't yet know about what was going on and started 'part-time', in september 2003 made the great 'coming-out' to everyone and went full-time january 14.
Some random observation of changes
Just some personal observations and thoughts:
1) First and foremost: it feels like the best decision I ever made in my entire life! For the first time ever all the background clutter and anxiety cause by trying "to do what is expected" that always was half consiously in the back of my mind is not there. I now can be just me!
2) I became an a much more open and outgoing person. I always thought that I was a rather sociable person, but what a difference there is between now and then.
3) While my life between my late teens and now is still an integral and valuable part of me, I notice that I rather often find myself going back to my thoughts and ideas of that period. Much like I use those as a foundation from which I am "rebuilding" myself from the shattered pieces. There might be some logic in that, since it was around my 20th year I decided to "try to be a man". Still this did come as a suprise!
4) Before transitioning I've told some friends that I would probably mostly remain the same person. Like something of 80% is firmly set (as one might expect after some 30 odd years), now I would be very surprised if even 60% survives this change. Especially in the light of that fact that I'm rebuilding on much older foundations than I expected.
5) Others make spontanious observations which show that they now see a much more complete person than ever.
6) Some guys really are cute! (and lovable!)
7) Something nice but totally weird has happened. Never in my entire life have I been member of any in-crowd whatsoever. Even if I tried to belong to one, I never ever was really a part of it. Now I more or less seem to belong to the dutch gothic in-crowd without any effort. I write it with some hesitation because it's so strange, but it seems to be so. At least if getting hugged by those who are without a doubt part of the in-crowd, or finding a positive remark about yourself in the livejournal of an important DJ or finding yourself discussing music with the keyboard player of one of the important bands in a bar on queensday in Amsterdam counts.
8) Hanging out with groups in which some persons are only a bit more than half your age does rejuvinate your own ways of thinking, and ofcourse it is nice to be accepted by them as a peer instead of as an older sister! Not really TS related but true nonetheless.
9) Before transition photography was one of my hobbies... it still is, but somewhere down the line I changed from a place behind the camera to a place in front of the camera ;-)
10) Things have gone much better than I've ever dared to hope for. Something for which I am extremely gratefull and for which I have literally thanked God on my bare knees (something I have never done before). I think succes like this brings an obligation to help others... a kind of noblesse oblige. Help I try to give where it is needed, but since I am a bit non-conformistic it will never be your run-of-the-mill style of advice.
11) If I come over a wee bit arrogant or like having a 'know it all' mentality, please don't stick with your first impression! It may seems that way occasionally, but actually it is more my hot temper getting out ;-)
I guess this is more than enough for an extended introduction, and it is time for bed, so goodbye for now!
Love,
Jenni
[Edit: en dan nu NL]
Geboren december 1968 en dus nu "ergens midden dertig" (leeftijd berekenen is nooit mijn sterkste kant geweest als het over mijzelf gaat ;-) ). Sinds ongeveer een jaar aan de hormonen en nu alweer bijna 5 maanden full-time.
In het dagelijkse leven een redelijk serieuze beleidsambtenaar bij de Koninklijke Marechaussee, daarbuiten in mijn vrijetijd betrokken bij aardig wat dingen die spelen in de Gothicscene en (amateur)fotomodel.
Mijn interesses: gothic (spreekt voor zich), dark art en fotografie, indy music (voor de minder ingevoerden: independent muziek, dus alles wat _niet_ gaat via de grote labels!), hypermoderne toepassingen van data- en telecomtechnologie (UMTS is alweer zo achterhaald!) en voor alles: mensen in al hun verscheidenheid.
Nog een paar steekwoorden: direct in uitspraken, Apoptygma Bezerk, The Peoples Republic of Europe (met een hele leuke producer en nog leukere zanger!), alternatief met een klassieke touch, ruimdenkend en een politiek incorrecte mentaliteit.
---===---===---
"Vita brevis breviter in brevi finietur mors venit velociter quae neminem veretur.
Omnia mors perimit et nulli miseretur." Excerpt from: AD MORTEM FESTINAMUS
en de LP rocks. 
